Final Fantasy 8: In a Nutshell
by Egeki
Summary: Tidbits of events that seemed counter-productive to the outcome of the storyline...
1. Part I

Final Fantasy VIII: In a Nutshell

Disclaimer: Here's a disclaimer...post HERE. Oh, haha haha, you can't! nana nana Boo Boo! BTW, this is on FF 8, you know in numerals the little V I I I, well put those together! BEWARE, you need SOME degree of math to learn Roman Numerals!!! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. Please do not hurt me (i.e. Squaresoft and PlayOnline) I just- Ahhh well.

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PART I:

(Squall In Hospital Bed)

Squall: Damn you Seifer! Why do you have to scratch so haaaard *whines* with your little panzy gunblade!

Seifer: Whatchya calling panzy gunblade! *Mutters and leaves as Quistis approaches*

Quistis Trepe: Jeez, i'm really sorry bout that cut and all, i really am *Rolls Eyes* but you have to pass your SeeD exams. Well, that's all. Oh yea, feel free to tour the building like you've never seen it before in your life even though you have, so don't let me keep you waiting! 

Squall: ....Ooookkkaaay, OUCH! My scar! Why right over my eye!?

(Squall looks around for the fiftieth tim in his life and oohs and ahhhs like he never has!)

Squall: Ohhh! the dorms! Ahhh! The Cafeteria!

(See?...He enters the cafeteria to find everyone complaining (typically) of the food!)

Random Person #1: D...Do you have any...hot dogs left?

Lunch Lady #1: NO! WE'RE ALL OUT! GET OUT OF HERE!

*Random Person #1 runs through the doors*

Squall: Hmph, better get to the classroom so I can get my Shiva Junction, only to be interrupted by Quistis who wants me to sacrifice my life on a test that isn't even worth it!

(Now at computer in Classroom)

Freaky Computer Voice: Junction Withdrawn!

Squall: YEA! My computer skills pay off! *fizz fizz, buzz wrrr* *EXPLODE*

Squall:Yikeees! Quistis is gonna kill-

Quistis Trepe (again): WHAT THE HELL! MY COMPUTERS- I mean, I want you to go to the Fire Caverns, so meet me downstairs when you want to leave...

Squall: Sorry, I-I

Quistis: QUITE!

(Down at the Front Gates)

Quistis: Ready to go yet? This is going to be hard, yada yada yada, I want you to have this *GF FORCE ACQUIRED!*

Screaming boy: AHHHHH! They're out to get me! AHHH!

Quistis: Baja! Wai-Hold on Squall!-Wait wait wait ait it i 

Squall: Whatever, i am gonna let my curiosity take over as usual now and I am going to go into a dangerous situation, only to be confronted by monsters and a fierce fire boss! Coooool!

(Slays Ifrit, because the story has to continue of course.)

Squall: YAY! My preppy skills got me somewhere! *Trips over nearby rocks and nearly falls into bubbling lava*

Ifrit: YAhHAHYAHY! LEMME GO! YAHAAHARRGGGHH!

(Squall is now on the Assult Boat for the Field Exams where he pisses of Zell, cooool)

Squall: Hey Zell, you're a sissy! Don't take any offense, I had to say that so we could not like each other for the rest of the game!

Zell: Pussy!

(They dock at Dollet)

Squall: OK, so all I have to do is wait here until the army arrives which is really stupid since an army is very large and we are puny?

Seifer: ...yea...

Squall: I hope that little fight we had won't make a lasting impression on our friendship, no pun intended o_O

Seifer: Well DUH! Then there won't be a cool bad guy and rival to fight with before you beat the game!

Squall: Oh.

(The Galbadian Army arrive and the city is in flames from their terror, typical yet again)

Squall: I'm bored! *Bomb blasts off in the background*

Zell: HEY! Let's check out that suspicious tower in the distance! It might be fun!

Squall: OK, but as my part is the center of right and wrong, I have to warn you...It might be dangerous!

Zell: Bah, Humbug!

*The party runs up the Comm. Tower to battle some very familar characters...?)

Squall: BIGGS AND WEDGE! How are they? All i know is that i have to say their names!

Biigs and Wedge: Hahaha, we will kill you!

(Fight sequence, bang bang, clank clank...the foes run; Elvoret appears)

Selphie: UGH! To hell with this!

Zell: Ahhh! Run! My nails are chipped!

Squall: RUN!

(Elvoret falls off the tower as he laughed histerically and dies in a pile of-)

*Large, Mechanical Spider crawls through after useless cut-scene.*

Squall: AHH! RUN AGAIN!

(They run and make it. Because of the plot, they make it.)

(I.)(When the party makes it alive and Dlooet is safe, they go to Zell's mother's house!)

Ma Dincht: Oh Zell! What a surprise, are these your friends? i made some pot-pies my little sugar-plumb!

Zell: Ma..-

Ma Dincht: I also made a batch of axel-grease cookies (Long pause-continues). Good for the hearts good for the soul, my little ginger-bread man! i still have pictures of you in that one play...uhhh, Oh yes! "MACHO MEN MANIA" *hums- "Macho, macho, mania, it is raining men today, all over the city"*

Zell: MOTHER! THAT'S IT! WE'RE LEAVING, N O W!

Ma Dincht: Ohhh, i guess all these poor cookie-lettes will just have to be burned! BURN BABY! *Holds out cookies towards the fireplace knowing he will think again soon*

Zell: WAIT! Maybe we'll have...just a couple.

(The party return to Balamb Garden after nearly being killed...now what kind of school would do something like that! How sick!)


	2. Part II

FFVIII In a Nutshell

Disclaimer: Too bad this isn't what really happens in the story, all these characters are too full of themselves and keep and filling. Well, they might as well be blonde since they all take so long to find something is wrong!

(all characters are owned by SQUARESOFT! I only have pennies to spare if sued)

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PART II:

(In Esther Laguna and friends go to see Dr. Odine)

Dr. Odine: I'm a bumbling fool! O_ß

Laguna: Ummmm, yeeaaaa, anyways we wanna tell Squall how to get into the Lunatic's Pandora. It could be kinda tricky.

Ward (whispering): It's Lunatic Pandora...and we don't really have to defeat a lunatic...or so I think.

Kiros: (yet again, whispering): NO! There may be Lunatics inside the little box! DOI!

Laguna: Let's go ask....(Loud voice) Dr. Odine, are there Lunatic's inside Pandor'a little box?

Dr. Odine: I'm a bumbling fool! Ahem *Clears Throat* HUH?!

Laguna/Kiros: Are...there...

Dr. Odine: I HEARD YOU! Oh oh oh oh! Chest pains!

(Meanwhile, Dr. Odine has a heart-attack and the other group is fighting over something that doesn't even make sense)

Laguna (amidst all the fighting says): WAIT! Maybe there IS no Lunatic after all!

Dr. Odine: ...heelpp...*final gasp* *death* *death* *death*

Ward: OHHH! I see, maybe that's just the craft's name..uhhh cool!

Kiros: jeez! Dr. O---

Dr. Odine: *Death* *death*

All (that are still alive): WE KILLED HIM!

(Howdya guess? They fought and they got what was deserved)

Laguna: He's faking it, hah hah. it's over Odine. Odine? ODINE!

Kiros: Yo man, use revive!

*REVIVE! using Viagra, feel alive today! Use this free sample today and feel results with your partner in minutes!*

Laguna: heh heh *puts package away* HERE! *Sprinkles pixy dust on body* It says on the back it is Pixy dust and if you believe really really hard, your wish will come true! *Closes eyes really tightly for what seemed like 10 minutes*

Kiros: Hmmm, I think that you just forgot one little thing, Peter Pan, IT'S FAKE! What about all that magic we used to get here???

Laguna: OHHH! that was the special effects stuff I got from Julia's shop before I came here. it must've scared off all the enemies so it seemed like I really hurt them muahaha! Devious eh?

Kiros/ward: *Scowl and turn backs toward the impending doom that is now hovering above Esther*

Ward: WE MUST STOP THE CRAFT!

Laguna: Sprinkles the "fairy" glitter over himself and crawls into a corner and rocks back and forth.

Ward/Kiros: Let's go! *Leave Laguna rocking in the corner*


	3. Part III

FFVIII In a Nutshell

Disclaimer: I understand i do not own the rights to (yada yada yada, one, two, skip a few, 99, 100) On to Part III(3 for the stupid) of the story!

Additional Notes: Can you believe I don't remember what happens in the Prison part of FF8??? well, I improvised...by using FF9 instead! hey hey! Imagine that! The wonders we all can do, I hope all of you do not mind (0_~).

PART III:

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(After the trip, errr dream that the party took to Winhill, they are stuck in D-District Prison, Seifer is now taunting Rinoa about her power)

Seifer: hahahahahhahahahhahahahah(Deep Breath)hahahahahhahahhahahahaha*out of breath*haha(Deep Breath)

Rinoa: SHUT UP SEIFER!

Seifer: NO! We cannot wait to spare your power! Adel is-

Rinoa: You can shove Adel up your ass! Now get me down or I'll tell everyone that you still wet the bed!

Seifer: Wha-How-How Dare you! HMPH! Maybe I'll leave you alone with these mysterious men with tazors while I-

Rinoa: While you cry about how the world is so cruel and that you are just a useless pawn in this game? *shock* OWW! Watch it pal!

Seifer: wahhh! *sob* WAH WAH WAH!

(Meanwhile, Quistis, Zell and Selphie try to break free of their tiny prison)

Quistis: Try harder! We'll never get out of here alive if you don't keep rocking!

Zell: Unnnh! I don't, unhh, see you trying, uuwwahhh!

Selphie: You should BOTH help...

Quistis/Zell: SELPHIE!

Selphie: Do I really look fat to you? *starts to cry* I AM fat, arn't I? *Shaky voice*I-I-tried so-so har-hard! I lo-lost all th-that wei-weight. *Crys and falls over*

Zell: YOU DID IT SELPHIE! UNNNNHHHHH!

(Cage crashes into the wall where it happens to make a small bridge that the party crosses over to exit the Prison)

Quistis: Good job Selph! (whispers in her ear) p.s., you're fat (loud laugh) Hahahahaha!

Selphie: wahhhhh! *cried a pool of tears that washes Biggs and Wedge out of the way to their demise at the 8 story drop)

(Back where Rinoa is being held captive. You know how when in games they always say: "I'm back and I'm stronger now"? well,)

Seifer: *rubs bloodshot eyes* HMPH! I-I'm stronger now. Unfortunately you won't be soon hahahaahah*sobs*ahhhhawahh

Rinoa: weak, pathetic, whateva *shock* *shock* OUUUUCH!!! Damn you! Damn you! *kicks them both in the groin*

Guards #1&2: AHHH! OUCH! *wines* Eddddeeeaaa wahhh.

Rinoa: GOD! What babies! Seifer, you suck anyways...sooo.

Seifer: I-I-I am gonna take your powers now

Rinoa: AHHHHH! AHHHHH! UGHHHHH! UNNNH!

Seifer: RINOA! It hasn't even been turned on yet!

(Turns on mechanical device that saps he powers)

Rinoa: AHHHHH! AHHHHH! UGHHHHH! UNNNH!

Seifer: *laughs maliciously* Ahahha Muahaha Ahahaha Muahaha.*electricutes himself* Ahhhh!


	4. Part IV

FFVIII In a Nutshell

Disclaimer: Well well well, didn't know I would get this far with the plot that i was given as: FF 8 (Ugh, Roman Numerals must not be understandable enough. Egads!) Well Here ya go. LYNN, I am running out of DISCLAIMER smarty comments! HELP!

Additional Notes: I hope you enjoy Lunatic Pandora...Despite the second chapter, this contrdicts it in that Squall and gang enter the big floating box and Dr. Odine is alive! Hurray! Well, might I remind you of Raijin and fujin coming up?

PART IV:

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(Gang enters the Lunatic Pandora Box thingy)

Rinoa: Whoa, what nice little green walls! Squall, I must ask to be comforted as danger approaches.

Squall: Eh? Sorry, but no way...there are two very familiar characters who were sent by Seifer to try and kill us down that hall, do you think we should venture further?

Zell: Of course!

Squall: Shut up Zell.

Zell: Bah, Humbug!

(The party DO venture down the long emerald hall...until)

Raijin: Muahahaha! Look at my bulging muscles! i am just so muscular...whatdoya think Fujin?

Fujin: ...yes...

Raijin: We gonna mess y'all up now!

Fujin: ... ...

Raijin: PLUS my number one girl has a super cool spinning disc, not unlike Yuffie's!

(long pause, glances towards Raijin)

Raijin: Anyways, we gonna-

Squall: *blasts with gunblade*

Raijin: OUCH! Meanies, i'm leaving!

Fujin: ...yes...ouch...

(They both flee like cowards, as they always do right before they are SUPPOSED to die)

Squall: UGH! More mazes? I hate mazes, i'm too dumb to figure em out!

Rinoa/Zell: Well, at least he's honest.

(Go through a number of ladders and hatches...and bolders that have absolutely no value but to get the player to the "Final Chamber" oOooOo. With all these turns and stuff, you'd get nowhere!)

Squall: With all these turns and stuff, we'll get nowhere!

Rinoa: Let me use my cool sorceress powers to thwart the current problem! *closes eyes shut, goes by first instinct of wandering aimlessly to see if they could get out of their predicament*

(Big Robot thingy with a Mobile Type 8 tag appears as they luckily make it based on Rinoa's "instincts")

Rinoa: Yay, we made it!

Squall: NO! A giant robot that floats, which isn't possible due to gravity...!

Rinoa: Don't forget it also has huge bulging armor that destroys people...like us! AHHHHH! RUN!

(The party beat it with a couple zaps of quick lightning before it falls apart into a bunch of junk)


End file.
